The Onion Radio News

The Onion, a weekly satirical newspaper, now posts daily radio news clips. There are a lot of funny ones, in my opinion these are the best:

Miss Teen USA Seizes Crown, Declares Self Miss Teen USA for Life
Dolph Lundgren Wins Long, Courageous Battle With Fame
Nerds Take Over Military Base With Computers, Other Nerd Shit
Pope Unveils New Christ Hammer
Single Errand Proves Too Overwhelming For Man On Day Off
Slightly Upset Woman Declared Insane
Aging God Fitted For Omni-Focals
Viking God Odin Down To Last 4 Worshippers
Afghanistan Handed Over To Robots
Woman With Amazing Rack Told She Has Beautiful Eyes
U.S. Gives Up Trying To Impress England
White House Hints At Surprise Twist Ending To Bush Presidency
Chinese Stuff Live Panda Into Time Capsule
Ashcroft Rejected By Newly Created Bride Of Ashcroft
The Onion News For Kids
President Bush Invokes Executive Super Powers
New Crispy Snack Cracker To Ease The Pain Of Modern Life
Vanquished Foe's Skull Makes Surprisingly Bad Wine Goblet
German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles, Overwhelming Air Superiority
Vatican Gives Popular Jesus Character A Whole New Look
Freakish Newborn Is Half-Chinese, Half-American